Truth Bombs
It doesn’t “suck” to be white. Not really. But at a time like this, you might find yourself feeling defensive. It’s important to remember you didn’t choose being white any more than anyone else chose being what they are. But if we can agree that black skin faces racism (AND HOLY HELL DOES IT EVER) we must also face that white skin has been dolled out privilege.
Several years ago I was in a private Facebook group that was meant to educate white people on systemic racism and all the ways it shows up. It was a safe place for BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color) to speak about their experiences, and a place where white people would go to learn. I never participated in the online conversations - recognizing that I was far too green to speak up. But I read post after post where BIPOC corrected white people on their responses. Where white people, well intentioned as they may have been, were put on blast.
And if I’m being honest. It made me feel defensive.
It does not feel good to be called out. Straight up.
It. Does. Not. Feel. Good.
But.
It doesn’t make the call out unwarranted.
The breakdown of white guilt is known as white fragility. We put our own broken feelings - shame, horror, resistance to truth - above the actual hardships that BIPOC face. Being called out for my biases - while uncomfortable - is not worse than being followed suspiciously by a store clerk while shopping. Being told I have privilege - that it surrounds me in the places I live and the jobs I’ve worked - doesn’t compare to being told (and shown) that I am valued less in our society. Whatever pain and discomfort we may feel in learning about how we have (intentionally or not) benefitted off the backs of white supremacy - will never compare to the injustices that BIPOC have suffered because of white supremacy.
Listen. If you are white, you are probably (at least a little) racist. Even if you don’t want to be. Even if you think you aren’t. Even if you have a black friend, or spouse, or child ...
That provokes a feeling of uneasiness, doesn’t it? It totally sucks. I don’t want to be racist, which means I have to face the parts of me that are. I have to dismantle the systems within, acknowledge the biases I have, and constantly unlearn them. I was recently asked what about my learning has upset me the most. And for me ... it’s knowing that I’ll never get to check off the anti-racism box as completed. I’ll never get to say that I’m done. This is lifelong work that will require constant effort. And discomfort. But it’s important.
I found myself looking at my children the other day and wishing on them that they would grow and “change the world”. But. That’s not good enough. I am only one person, but I’d rather burden myself with that change than pile it on their shoulders. I am absolutely committed to learning more, doing more, and changing more. Which means I have to continuously open myself to uncomfortable conversations, realizations, and truths. I’m not an expert on race. Shoot, I’m white as hell. I’ll never be the expert. But I plan on being a student from here on out - let me know if you ever want to compare notes. I will forever be eager to learn more.
*One last thing. Stop apologizing for being white. You didn’t get a choice. You know what’s better than an apology? Corrective behavior. Promise to do better, and follow through with change.
